Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

Why didn’t anyone tell me THIS is what it feels like?

I’ve been around church people my whole life. I used to get so mad when my mom would make my younger brother and I go to church with her on Wednesday evenings. I remember how annoyed I was when I went to school the day after the blinky do shoes episode of My Wife and Kids aired, and everyone was talking about it. I was mad I didn’t get to watch it because I was at church. I couldn’t comprehend why people would willingly spend a week night in church. And then there were the night vigils! Those I really couldn’t understand. Whyyyyy would anyone want to be in church on a Friday till 2am? I remember many night vigils when my friends and I went down on our knees, faced our chairs, and pretended we were praying. We were actually taking a nap with our heads buried in our arms.

I remember car rides with my mom always meant worship music was the genre of choice. Sometimes when I was in the car with my mom or dad, I would find them mumbling to themselves. But they always insisted they were praying.

I remember learning the Sunday school mantra – read your bible and pray everyday. I learned all the major bible stories and many praise and worship songs. Even after leaving home, I continued to go to church and hold God in high esteem in my life. By high esteem, I mean calling on God mostly when I needed a crisis manager.

But now that I’ve come into this deep relationship God, I’m so confused why nobody told me THIS is what it feels like! It’s so much more than just going to church late at night, praying in the car and singing songs of worship. They were feeling something! Something deep down on the inside of them that cannot be explained. Something that made it a blessing to go to church at night. They were feeling the unexplainable peace and joy of God. The joy that won’t let any situation hold them captive. They were experiencing the presence of God. A presence that will have you waking up with the biggest smile on your face, simply because you know him.

Most times when we learn about God, we’re told so much about what God can do for us. How God can fix our problems. But there’s something so much deeper than that. THIS feeling. I really can’t explain it, but it is the most amazing, life transforming feeling ever. If someone would’ve told me THIS is what it’s like, I would’ve been here the second I came out of the womb.

I remember looking at people that were obsessed with God and thinking that their lives must be so boring. I wish they told me what they were experiencing! It’s more fun, more fulfilling and more amazing than anything this world has to offer.

Striving to live a life of worship to God in everything we do, rather than turning to God only when we need a crisis manager, leads to a far more fulfilling life. THIS feeling is a part of living a life of worship. THIS unexplainable feeling.

 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. John 4:24

Being Spirit Led In Fulfilling Our Purpose

I like to know everything. I want to know how things are going to turn out from the beginning to the end. I want to know if I start wearing my hair in a new way, if it’s a hairstyle I can still wear when I’m 50. I want to know if a guy and I start getting to know each other, if we’re going to get married or not. I want to know the full plan. So when God starts leading me in one direction, I like to fill in the rest of the story. For example, if God led me to move to a new city, I would start to plan my entire life out in that city. From getting married in that city, to buying a house, starting a business, and raising my kids there. But God might only want me in that city for 6 months.

I thought being spirit led meant God would lay out the plan and the purpose for my life, and I just had to make sure I spent time with God as he led me to fulfill the purpose he called me for. I thought I could just hold on to the plan for my life no matter what I go through because I know exactly where God is taking me. What I’ve come to realize is being led by God doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to layout the plan for me for the next 10 years and all I have do is follow it. Don’t get me wrong God can definitely tell you where he’s taking you. I’m also not saying that being spirit led doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan for your life.

But being Spirit led is not always about knowing the detailed plan God has for your life. It’s an everyday thing. It’s not having to know the full story but still saying I will follow you. I will go wherever you lead me. I will fulfill the purpose you have called me to accomplish for today. That purpose might just be to have a conversation with someone. You never know what God could use that conversation for. Maybe that conversation could lead to your next breakthrough, maybe that conversation could stop the person from committing suicide, or maybe that conversation was just to put a smile on that person’s face for the day.

The point is we don’t always need to have the entire plan to be led by God to complete our purpose. Being spirit led is to be obedient in the day to day and taking the steps God has told you to take even if you don’t know the complete plan.

IT’S BEEN AN UNCOMFORTABLE YEAR

This year has been one of the most uncomfortable years of my life. But you know what? I wouldn’t change it for anything.

God really took me through a process this year and brought me into deeper relationship with him. Right from January God pulled me in and I’ve really seen John 15 at work since. A.k.a a pruning process.

I learned so much about myself and how to better myself this year. I learned how much I gossiped about people, how being lazy hindered me and how I was chasing the wrong things for validation. But I’ve also learned how to have an attitude of gratitude in every situation, how to be more patient, how to be more selfless and so much more. I am seeing the negative characteristics being worked out of me and my behavior reflect Christ more and more.

I’ve seen my relationship with God go from the occasional prayer and devotion reading, to spending time in the word and prayer on a daily basis, to praying and speaking the word constantly throughout the day.

I know I’ll look back at 2016 as a turning point in my life. The year God stripped me of everything that made me feel secure and filled me with him. The year God turned my focus from myself to him.

This year has been the most uncomfortable year of my life (my life so far) but it has also been the best year of my life!

I don’t know how many times I cried this year and how many times I got frustrated and worried about the outcome of a situation. But it was in those moments I cried out to God that I found myself depending on God more and more.

The relationship I have with God now has been worth every bit of discomfort. I know God is working in me and preparing me to fulfill the purpose he has called me for. I plan on hungering after God everyday for the rest of life. But I also know it’s a process. Even though I learned a lot this year, I know I still have a lot of learning to do. The growth I experienced this year hasn’t stopped. I still have a lot growing to do and always will. I know it won’t always be comfortable to relentlessly pursue after God, but I’m not after a life of comfort. I’m after a life that glorifies God with everything I do. I’m excited to see what God will use me to do.  And I know it’s more than I could ever do on my own.

So thank you 2016! Thank you for the trials. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the process. Thank you for the discomfort. Thank you God for pulling me into deeper relationship with you. Thank you for filling the void in my heart. Thank you for thinking me worthy enough. I love you God. I love you sooo sooo much.