Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

Why didn’t anyone tell me THIS is what it feels like?

I’ve been around church people my whole life. I used to get so mad when my mom would make my younger brother and I go to church with her on Wednesday evenings. I remember how annoyed I was when I went to school the day after the blinky do shoes episode of My Wife and Kids aired, and everyone was talking about it. I was mad I didn’t get to watch it because I was at church. I couldn’t comprehend why people would willingly spend a week night in church. And then there were the night vigils! Those I really couldn’t understand. Whyyyyy would anyone want to be in church on a Friday till 2am? I remember many night vigils when my friends and I went down on our knees, faced our chairs, and pretended we were praying. We were actually taking a nap with our heads buried in our arms.

I remember car rides with my mom always meant worship music was the genre of choice. Sometimes when I was in the car with my mom or dad, I would find them mumbling to themselves. But they always insisted they were praying.

I remember learning the Sunday school mantra – read your bible and pray everyday. I learned all the major bible stories and many praise and worship songs. Even after leaving home, I continued to go to church and hold God in high esteem in my life. By high esteem, I mean calling on God mostly when I needed a crisis manager.

But now that I’ve come into this deep relationship God, I’m so confused why nobody told me THIS is what it feels like! It’s so much more than just going to church late at night, praying in the car and singing songs of worship. They were feeling something! Something deep down on the inside of them that cannot be explained. Something that made it a blessing to go to church at night. They were feeling the unexplainable peace and joy of God. The joy that won’t let any situation hold them captive. They were experiencing the presence of God. A presence that will have you waking up with the biggest smile on your face, simply because you know him.

Most times when we learn about God, we’re told so much about what God can do for us. How God can fix our problems. But there’s something so much deeper than that. THIS feeling. I really can’t explain it, but it is the most amazing, life transforming feeling ever. If someone would’ve told me THIS is what it’s like, I would’ve been here the second I came out of the womb.

I remember looking at people that were obsessed with God and thinking that their lives must be so boring. I wish they told me what they were experiencing! It’s more fun, more fulfilling and more amazing than anything this world has to offer.

Striving to live a life of worship to God in everything we do, rather than turning to God only when we need a crisis manager, leads to a far more fulfilling life. THIS feeling is a part of living a life of worship. THIS unexplainable feeling.

 God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. John 4:24

Being Spirit Led In Fulfilling Our Purpose

I like to know everything. I want to know how things are going to turn out from the beginning to the end. I want to know if I start wearing my hair in a new way, if it’s a hairstyle I can still wear when I’m 50. I want to know if a guy and I start getting to know each other, if we’re going to get married or not. I want to know the full plan. So when God starts leading me in one direction, I like to fill in the rest of the story. For example, if God led me to move to a new city, I would start to plan my entire life out in that city. From getting married in that city, to buying a house, starting a business, and raising my kids there. But God might only want me in that city for 6 months.

I thought being spirit led meant God would lay out the plan and the purpose for my life, and I just had to make sure I spent time with God as he led me to fulfill the purpose he called me for. I thought I could just hold on to the plan for my life no matter what I go through because I know exactly where God is taking me. What I’ve come to realize is being led by God doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to layout the plan for me for the next 10 years and all I have do is follow it. Don’t get me wrong God can definitely tell you where he’s taking you. I’m also not saying that being spirit led doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan for your life.

But being Spirit led is not always about knowing the detailed plan God has for your life. It’s an everyday thing. It’s not having to know the full story but still saying I will follow you. I will go wherever you lead me. I will fulfill the purpose you have called me to accomplish for today. That purpose might just be to have a conversation with someone. You never know what God could use that conversation for. Maybe that conversation could lead to your next breakthrough, maybe that conversation could stop the person from committing suicide, or maybe that conversation was just to put a smile on that person’s face for the day.

The point is we don’t always need to have the entire plan to be led by God to complete our purpose. Being spirit led is to be obedient in the day to day and taking the steps God has told you to take even if you don’t know the complete plan.

Getting Back To A Place Of Rest

Have you ever been so scared to do something because you didn’t know how it was going to turn out? Well that was me not too long ago.

A few weeks ago I spent a couple weeks just being really sad and full of anxiety about the future. I was really stressed out because I was so scared how different situations were going to turnout. I spent entire days talking myself into and out of doing something. I was trying to figure out what the outcome was going to be for every decision I made and in trying to do so I didn’t do anything. I was in a state of unrest and confusion.

Then I had a wonderful conversation with a friend and it changed everything for me. She told me that me trying to figure out everything on my own is me not trusting God. I was trusting in my own abilities and my own strength to be able to move forward with my life. God used that conversation to show me how indecisive I was being and how that indecision was leading me to stagnancy. Instead of just taking a step forward I was trying to plan everything out. But if I say I surrender my life to God, and I trust in his unending plan for me, I shouldn’t be worried about the future.

I’ve come up with a motto whenever the thought “How’s it going to turn out?” pops up in to my head.

It’s none of my business.

It’s not my job to worry about how it will turn out. If I say I’m trusting God, I need to pray and trust that God will fulfill the desires he has put in my heart.

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:6-8

The two weeks of depression, anxiety and indecisiveness I went through were really annoying to me because before that I was resting in God. I was full of peace. I was all about Philippians 4:6-7.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Then my friend said something else to me that also got my attention.

It’s one thing to get into God’s rest, it’s another thing to stay there.

The are so many distractions in the world that can easily get our attention and pull us away from God. We need to be actively guarding our thoughts and discerning the information we consume.

So after that day I went on a mission to get back to that place of rest and stay there.

My control problem hasn’t magically disappeared. I’m still working on not worrying so much about the outcome. It’s a process and it’ll take time but I fully intend on releasing the need to have control. I’m resting in God, taking steps to move forward with my life and not focusing so much on how everything is going to turn out. Because it’s none of my business.

 

GOD I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU…

Father Lord,

I need you. I can’t do this without you. I need you in every area of my life. Come in and take over everything. I give it all to you. I die to myself and my wants. Lord I want what you want for me. Strip me of my desires and fill my heart with your desires for me. Lead me where my trust is without borders. I want you completely. This life is not my own. This world is not my home. You are who I want. I am striving for you. So no matter what is going on in my life, help me to always put you first. Help me to always seek you first. Help me to always be found about your business. I surrender to you Lord. Help me to be still and listen to you. I can’t live this life on my own. I need you. You gave me a choice. You said I could choose the world or choose you. Lord I choose you over and over again. Do with me what you want. Where you tell me to go or what you tell me to do may not always be easy, but you are my ultimate goal. You are who I am pursuing. A life and a relationship with you. More than anything I want to accomplish in this world you are far far above any of it. You are far far more important. So no matter what is going on around me, let me always put you first. Let me find my joy in you. Let me find my rest in you. Not in my success in this world, not in the people of this world or the things of this world. Just you. Help me to keep my purpose firm and put my trust in you. Even if what you want me to do isn’t what I want to do, I will do. I know it won’t always be easy but I desire your will above mine. Make your will for me my will. Lord let there be a spiritual gardening in me. Uproot from me the things of this world. Uproot from my thoughts the thoughts that don’t reflect you. Uproot from my behavior, behavior that doesn’t reflect you. Make me more like you. Let my life bare the fruits of the spirit. Lord let every area of my life reflect you.

Lord empty me of myself. Use me as you see fit. Let me turn to you first in every situation. I trust you Lord. My life is yours. I lay it down as a living sacrifice. Work in me God. I know it’s a process. I know it’s a journey. I am here to pick up my cross everyday and follow you. I surrender myself to you Lord. I am yours.

Sincerely your daughter,

Adebosoye – The crown has returned to the throne 

If Life Were A Maze

Let’s say you walk into a maze. As you progress, you make a right turn and think this must be the way forward. Then you make the turn and end up at a dead end, feeling disappointed and lost. But you pick yourself back up and try again. You make some progress as you go through the maze but you’re always running into dead ends. What if you had some help? What if you had someone overseeing your maze and could tell you where to go?

Well in real life we do. Life can be very much like a maze. We sometimes struggle with decisions because we don’t know where those decisions will lead us. Will it further us in the maze or lead to a dead end? Sometimes we go through turns in our maze that lead us to dead ends and leave us feeling lost and hopeless. But if we stopped trying so hard to figure out which turns we need to make in the maze, and let God guide us, navigating the maze would be a lot easier. Now that’s not to say God won’t lead us to some dead ends, or what might feel like one.

We should let God guide us even when it might seem like we’re walking towards a dead end. God has given us the power to breakthrough! To many other people you might seem crazy, but it might end up being a shortcut! Having to go through the process of dealing with the dead end, rebuilding yourself and speaking LIFE to the DEADend so it can breakthrough for you, can accelerate your growth. You’ll be more ahead in your maze than you ever thought you could be!

It’s not always easy to let go and let God. It seems intuitive that you’re the one living your life, so you should make the decisions. You might be at a crossroad where you have to make a decision and you want an answer fast. Go left or go right? You think you should go right and God is taking a while to get back to you, so as the decision maker in the maze, you go right. It can be especially hard sometimes to let go and trust God, because letting go and letting God means waiting on him. It can mean taking a step back and spending time praying and fasting instead of making the quick decision for yourself.

But let me tell you, letting go and letting God be the director of your maze is truly amazing. There’s a peace that comes along with trusting God. When you spend more time in prayer, there’s an empowerment that comes when you realize that prayer really does work. There’s a joy that follows you around when God is the source of everything for you. There’s an overwhelming sense of gratitude knowing how much God loves you. There’s an overwhelming sense of gratitude knowing he sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to die for you. There’s a joy in knowing that when you exit the maze, eternal life in heaven is what awaits you.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6