So it’s that time of year again. It’s Valentine’s Day! Around this time of year I used to get kind of sad if I didn’t have a man to spend time with on Valentine’s day. I always wanted someone to be around just for the sake of having someone around.
But this year it’s completely different. I almost forgot about Valentine’s day altogether. This year I am filled with the greatest love I’ve ever known. Yup the love of God. And no it’s not an excuse because I don’t have a man this Valentine’s day, and I have to fall back on God. I’m truly filled with the greatest love I’ve ever known. In the past if someone asked me out for Valentine’s day, I would jump at the opportunity to have a date for the day. If it’s a guy that I can talk to and get along well with, I would’ve said yes without thinking twice. This year I got asked out for Valentine’s day but I decided to say no.
Not just because my worth isn’t in having someone around for Valentine’s day, but also because I’m filled with so much love from God. God truly fills my heart and I am in a place where I am content in my singleness. I’ve learned to love God and have God’s love be enough for me. So I’m waiting on God’s best for me, and no longer entertaining relationships that aren’t God’s best for me.
There’s a joy in my heart that I really can’t put into words. I wake up filled with joy, spend my day filled with joy, and go to sleep filled with joy. I can honestly say it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s a joy that doesn’t change based on circumstances and situations, because I know the God I serve.
The void I tried to fill with a man could not be filled by a man. Only God can fill it and he has. That’s not to say I don’t wish I had a man sometimes. I do hope to get married one day and fulfill the purpose God has for me and my one day husband. Some days I’m like “Ok hubby! You need to show up!”. But even with that, I always come back to focusing on God, and focusing on accomplishing the purpose God has called me to fulfill in this season. Even when I do get married my husband won’t take the place of God’s love in my heart. He’s not even capable of doing so. It’s so important come to a place of feeling complete and content with God’s love while single. That way when we do get married we’re not putting expectations on our spouses to give us the love that is only possible from God.
So yup! It’s Valentine’s day, I’m single but I’m very much in love!
I am someone that cares what other people think about me. I don’t care as much as I used to but I definitely still care. It used to be so bad that I would always make decisions based on how I thought other people would perceive me. Don’t get me wrong I still make choices based on how I will be perceived, but in a much healthier way. Like how I present myself but not to the point the opinions of other people are making the choices for me. In the past I’d be scared to do what I really wanted to, because I didn’t want to be judged. I just wanted to fit in and not step out and do anything too bold. I was scared to take people’s sides, tell my friends the hard truth and join some groups for fear of being judged. I was even scared to do little things like write a Facebook post. My identity was fully in what people thought about me and I let the possible thoughts of other people control my actions.
But then God showed me my heart. He showed me that I was so scared of being judged by others because I was so judgemental of others.
Since God revealed my heart to me, I have been able to pray about it and learn not to judge others. I still do from time to time, but now I can catch myself and let God work in me. A major part of me still puts my identity in what people think of me though. When I walk into a room I’m still scared and worried about what people are thinking. I’m still scared what people will think of me when I decide to take certain steps, like starting a blog :). But I’m learning everyday to put my identity fully in Christ and not in others. It’s a process but I’ve definitely come a long way in a short time. That’s the power of God. I still have a lot of growing to do but I thank God I’m not where I used to be. I thank God for the person I’ve become, and I thank God for the person I’m becoming. A person who fully identifies in Christ.
You know how people always say we shouldn’t worry and trust God to take care of our worries? I’ve always felt like it was so easy to say, but so much harder to do. But you know what?
I’m finally learning to let go and let God. Things I used to worry about so often don’t even get the time of day in my thoughts anymore. I’m finally learning to take the things that are bothering me to God and leave them at the altar. My whole life I’ve been hearing that’s what I need to do, and I’ve always been like how??? Do you realize how hard it is to just forget about what’s bothering you?
But somehow I’m managing to do so.
How? By spending time with God. All this time I thought I had to will myself to give the burdens on my heart to God. But me learning to leave the burdens at the altar has been happening without me even trying. I’ve furthered my relationship with God by spending time praying and studying the word. I invite God into my daily activities and talk to God throughout the day. I’ve become much less stressed about my life. I don’t have to will myself to take the burdens on my heart to God. God kinda just sneaks them away from me while I stand in awe of Him.
More than just learning to give God my worries, my behavior and my desires are changing too. My heart’s desires are being filled with His and it’s pretty awesome!
But it’s definitely been a process for me to get to this point. It used to be a chore for me to set aside quiet time to study my bible and pray. I had to force myself to do it. Then over time it became something I looked forward to. Then there came a peace that fell over me during my quiet time. Then I started praying and quoting scripture throughout my day. Then the peace that fell over me in my quiet time started staying with me all day long.
Stress and anxiety are being pushed out. Not because I try to force them out, but because I have become so filled with the things of the Lord, that stress and anxiety no longer have a place to call home in my heart and mind!
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7