Identity Crisis

I am someone that cares what other people think about me. I don’t care as much as I used to but I definitely still care. It used to be so bad that I would always make decisions based on how I thought other people would perceive me. Don’t get me wrong I still make choices based on how I will be perceived, but in a much healthier way. Like how I present myself but not to the point the opinions of other people are making the choices for me. In the past I’d be scared to do what I really wanted to, because I didn’t want to be judged. I just wanted to fit in and not step out and do anything too bold. I was scared to take people’s sides, tell my friends the hard truth and join some groups for fear of being judged. I was even scared to do little things like write a Facebook post. My identity was fully in what people thought about me and I let the possible thoughts of other people control my actions.

But then God showed me my heart. He showed me that I was so scared of being judged by others because I was so judgemental of others.

Since God revealed my heart to me, I have been able to pray about it and learn not to judge others. I still do from time to time, but now I can catch myself and let God work in me. A major part of me still puts my identity in what people think of me though. When I walk into a room I’m still scared and worried about what people are thinking. I’m still scared what people will think of me when I decide to take certain steps, like starting a blog :).  But I’m learning everyday to put my identity fully in Christ and not in others. It’s a process but I’ve definitely come a long way in a short time. That’s the power of God. I still have a lot of growing to do but I thank God I’m not where I used to be. I thank God for the person I’ve become, and I thank God for the person I’m becoming. A person who fully identifies in Christ.

GOD I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU…

Father Lord,

I need you. I can’t do this without you. I need you in every area of my life. Come in and take over everything. I give it all to you. I die to myself and my wants. Lord I want what you want for me. Strip me of my desires and fill my heart with your desires for me. Lead me where my trust is without borders. I want you completely. This life is not my own. This world is not my home. You are who I want. I am striving for you. So no matter what is going on in my life, help me to always put you first. Help me to always seek you first. Help me to always be found about your business. I surrender to you Lord. Help me to be still and listen to you. I can’t live this life on my own. I need you. You gave me a choice. You said I could choose the world or choose you. Lord I choose you over and over again. Do with me what you want. Where you tell me to go or what you tell me to do may not always be easy, but you are my ultimate goal. You are who I am pursuing. A life and a relationship with you. More than anything I want to accomplish in this world you are far far above any of it. You are far far more important. So no matter what is going on around me, let me always put you first. Let me find my joy in you. Let me find my rest in you. Not in my success in this world, not in the people of this world or the things of this world. Just you. Help me to keep my purpose firm and put my trust in you. Even if what you want me to do isn’t what I want to do, I will do. I know it won’t always be easy but I desire your will above mine. Make your will for me my will. Lord let there be a spiritual gardening in me. Uproot from me the things of this world. Uproot from my thoughts the thoughts that don’t reflect you. Uproot from my behavior, behavior that doesn’t reflect you. Make me more like you. Let my life bare the fruits of the spirit. Lord let every area of my life reflect you.

Lord empty me of myself. Use me as you see fit. Let me turn to you first in every situation. I trust you Lord. My life is yours. I lay it down as a living sacrifice. Work in me God. I know it’s a process. I know it’s a journey. I am here to pick up my cross everyday and follow you. I surrender myself to you Lord. I am yours.

Sincerely your daughter,

Adebosoye – The crown has returned to the throne 

Learning To Let Go And Let God

You know how people always say we shouldn’t worry and trust God to take care of our worries? I’ve always felt like it was so easy to say, but so much harder to do. But you know what?

I’m finally learning to let go and let God. Things I used to worry about so often don’t even get the time of day in my thoughts anymore. I’m finally learning to take the things that are bothering me to God and leave them at the altar. My whole life I’ve been hearing that’s what I need to do, and I’ve always been like how??? Do you realize how hard it is to just forget about what’s bothering you?

But somehow I’m managing to do so.

How? By spending time with God. All this time I thought I had to will myself to give the burdens on my heart to God. But me learning to leave the burdens at the altar has been happening without me even trying. I’ve furthered my relationship with God by spending time praying and studying the word. I invite God into my daily activities and talk to God throughout the day. I’ve become much less stressed about my life. I don’t have to will myself to take the burdens on my heart to God. God kinda just sneaks them away from me while I stand in awe of Him.

More than just learning to give God my worries, my behavior and my desires are changing too.  My heart’s desires are being filled with His and it’s pretty awesome!

But it’s definitely been a process for me to get to this point. It used to be a chore for me to set aside quiet time to study my bible and pray. I had to force myself to do it. Then over time it became something I looked forward to. Then there came a peace that fell over me during my quiet time. Then I started praying and quoting scripture throughout my day. Then the peace that fell over me in my quiet time started staying with me all day long.

Stress and anxiety are being pushed out. Not because I try to force them out, but because I have become so filled with the things of the Lord, that stress and anxiety no longer have a place to call home in my heart and mind!

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Are You Charged Up?

Do you know something that seems to be really important to us these days? Having a charged phone. We don’t mind being late if it means we get to charge our phone that has 1% life left in it. We don’t mind walking around with a portable charger or shamelessly looking for an outlet at an event to get life back into that phone. And why not? Our phones are the most useful to us when they have battery life in them. Walking around with a dead phone is just carrying around an expensive shell. The actual purpose the phone was created for would be useless if it was always dead.

Taking the time to charge our phone allows us to enjoy it and use it for what it was intended for. In the same manner, we should strive to live out our lives for its intended purpose. How so? By becoming more purposeful about getting charged up in the things of Christ.

If we strive to be as purposeful about spending time in the word and in prayer as we are about charging our phones, we would constantly be filled up with the things of Christ!

Before I was purposeful about spending quiet time with God, I’d usually get charged up in the word from church alone. But what if I could only charge my phone once a week when I went to visit a friend? Yes I get some battery life, but it’s not nearly enough. My phone would be dead most of the time. To maximize the use of my phone, I need my own charger at home. To have a relationship with Christ, we need to have our own quiet time with God on a regular basis. The charging up doesn’t even need to end at quiet time. We can get little boost throughout the day by saying a prayer or a scripture here and there.

We also need to think about developing our relationship with Christ to help other people get to know God. If someone is stranded and they need to use your phone to make a phone call, it’d be nice for your phone to have battery life so they can use it. Or even if someone just wanted to check out your phone to see if they wanted to buy your type of phone, it’d be nice for it to have battery life so they could actually see what it was about.

If we’re filled up with the teachings of Christ and someone wants to know more about God, we want to be able to have something to share with them. Whether it’s how we’re living our lives, answering questions or helping someone in a desperate situation, we should be charged up so we have something to share. If we’re not taking the time to develop a relationship with Christ how are we going to have anything to share about Christ?

If we walked around with a dead phone all the time it would be useless to us and whoever may need it. It’s important we take the time to know Christ for ourselves on a daily basis.

It’s definitely a process though. It’s easy to fall into a habit of charging our phones everyday. It’s a little harder to do the same with spending quiet time with God. It took me a while to get into the habit of setting aside time to pray and read my bible on a regular basis. I still struggle with placing the importance I should on my quiet time.

But when you have a charged phone everyday you see the benefits of keeping it charged. After you get used to having a phone all the time it becomes really weird and frustrating if you don’t have your phone for a long period of time. It can easily have you wondering how you ever survived without a phone.

The same goes for when we spend more time with God. We see how quality time in prayer and the word transforms our lives, and it becomes more of a necessity than an option. I definitely wonder how I ever survived without a personal relationship with God!

Lazy Change

So I have a tendency to be lazy that is slowly but surely being worked out of me. Thank you God! I have a lot of ambitious goals that I want to accomplish, however I go through quite a few days where I don’t feel like doing the work to accomplish them. A lot of the time I just want to put the work off till the next day. But when I actually get started, it’s never that bad. Then I get annoyed with myself for not having started earlier. But of course, when it’s time to get started on something else, I go through the whole process all over again. Yup, it’s a process just for me to start the process of getting started.

Proverbs 13:4 says.. The slacker craves, yet has nothing, but the diligent is fully satisfied.

I personally like to be full (physically and spiritually) and I’d definitely rather be standing on the other side, proud of the goals I’ve accomplished rather than craving and longing after them and have nothing.

So this laziness is something that has to change.

What I’m trying to do now is break up what I have to do into small manageable tasks and use a schedule to keep myself accountable. I’ve realized that when my schedule is packed there is less room for me to procrastinate. We’re human beings. If you give us room to do something, especially procrastinate, we most likely will -unless you’re one of those superhuman always done ahead of time type of people. I’ve learned that it’s much easier to change a habit by changing the circumstance; changing how you operate with that habit.

With saving for example. If you’re a terrible at saving, you could automatically have what you want to save transferred to another account that you’ve made it hard for yourself to have access too. Or even have it automatically taken out of your paycheck and put into a separate account.

The new circumstances should be strict enough to constrain you. To teach you. Like training wheels. It’s much easier to learn to ride a bike with training wheels than just having the willpower to learn.

So that’s what I’m doing now. I’m putting training wheels on this laziness and procrastination. With God nothing is impossible. So I know I’ll soon easily ride the bike of diligence, fully satisfied.

If Life Were A Maze

Let’s say you walk into a maze. As you progress, you make a right turn and think this must be the way forward. Then you make the turn and end up at a dead end, feeling disappointed and lost. But you pick yourself back up and try again. You make some progress as you go through the maze but you’re always running into dead ends. What if you had some help? What if you had someone overseeing your maze and could tell you where to go?

Well in real life we do. Life can be very much like a maze. We sometimes struggle with decisions because we don’t know where those decisions will lead us. Will it further us in the maze or lead to a dead end? Sometimes we go through turns in our maze that lead us to dead ends and leave us feeling lost and hopeless. But if we stopped trying so hard to figure out which turns we need to make in the maze, and let God guide us, navigating the maze would be a lot easier. Now that’s not to say God won’t lead us to some dead ends, or what might feel like one.

We should let God guide us even when it might seem like we’re walking towards a dead end. God has given us the power to breakthrough! To many other people you might seem crazy, but it might end up being a shortcut! Having to go through the process of dealing with the dead end, rebuilding yourself and speaking LIFE to the DEADend so it can breakthrough for you, can accelerate your growth. You’ll be more ahead in your maze than you ever thought you could be!

It’s not always easy to let go and let God. It seems intuitive that you’re the one living your life, so you should make the decisions. You might be at a crossroad where you have to make a decision and you want an answer fast. Go left or go right? You think you should go right and God is taking a while to get back to you, so as the decision maker in the maze, you go right. It can be especially hard sometimes to let go and trust God, because letting go and letting God means waiting on him. It can mean taking a step back and spending time praying and fasting instead of making the quick decision for yourself.

But let me tell you, letting go and letting God be the director of your maze is truly amazing. There’s a peace that comes along with trusting God. When you spend more time in prayer, there’s an empowerment that comes when you realize that prayer really does work. There’s a joy that follows you around when God is the source of everything for you. There’s an overwhelming sense of gratitude knowing how much God loves you. There’s an overwhelming sense of gratitude knowing he sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to die for you. There’s a joy in knowing that when you exit the maze, eternal life in heaven is what awaits you.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6