It’s Valentine’s Day, I’m Single, But I’m In Love!

So it’s that time of year again. It’s Valentine’s Day! Around this time of year I used to get kind of sad if I didn’t have a man to spend time with on Valentine’s day. I always wanted someone to be around just for the sake of having someone around.

But this year it’s completely different. I almost forgot about Valentine’s day altogether. This year I am filled with the greatest love I’ve ever known. Yup the love of God. And no it’s not an excuse because I don’t have a man this Valentine’s day, and I have to fall back on God. I’m truly filled with the greatest love I’ve ever known. In the past if someone asked me out for Valentine’s day, I would jump at the opportunity to have a date for the day. If it’s a guy that I can talk to and get along well with, I would’ve said yes without thinking twice. This year I got asked out for Valentine’s day but I decided to say no.

Not just because my worth isn’t in having someone around for Valentine’s day, but also because I’m filled with so much love from God. God truly fills my heart and I am in a place where I am content in my singleness. I’ve learned to love God and have God’s love be enough for me. So I’m waiting on God’s best for me, and no longer entertaining relationships that aren’t God’s best for me.

There’s a joy in my heart that I really can’t put into words. I wake up filled with joy, spend my day filled with joy, and go to sleep filled with joy. I can honestly say it’s the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced. It’s a joy that doesn’t change based on circumstances and situations, because I know the God I serve.

The void I tried to fill with a man could not be filled by a man. Only God can fill it and he has. That’s not to say I don’t wish I had a man sometimes. I do hope to get married one day and fulfill the purpose God has for me and my one day husband.  Some days I’m like “Ok hubby! You need to show up!”. But even with that, I always come back to focusing on God, and focusing on accomplishing the purpose God has called me to fulfill in this season. Even when I do get married my husband won’t take the place of God’s love in my heart. He’s not even capable of doing so. It’s so important come to a place of feeling complete and content with God’s love while single. That way when we do get married we’re not putting expectations on our spouses to give us the love that is only possible from God.

So yup! It’s Valentine’s day, I’m single but I’m very much in love!

Being Spirit Led In Fulfilling Our Purpose

I like to know everything. I want to know how things are going to turn out from the beginning to the end. I want to know if I start wearing my hair in a new way, if it’s a hairstyle I can still wear when I’m 50. I want to know if a guy and I start getting to know each other, if we’re going to get married or not. I want to know the full plan. So when God starts leading me in one direction, I like to fill in the rest of the story. For example, if God led me to move to a new city, I would start to plan my entire life out in that city. From getting married in that city, to buying a house, starting a business, and raising my kids there. But God might only want me in that city for 6 months.

I thought being spirit led meant God would lay out the plan and the purpose for my life, and I just had to make sure I spent time with God as he led me to fulfill the purpose he called me for. I thought I could just hold on to the plan for my life no matter what I go through because I know exactly where God is taking me. What I’ve come to realize is being led by God doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s going to layout the plan for me for the next 10 years and all I have do is follow it. Don’t get me wrong God can definitely tell you where he’s taking you. I’m also not saying that being spirit led doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan for your life.

But being Spirit led is not always about knowing the detailed plan God has for your life. It’s an everyday thing. It’s not having to know the full story but still saying I will follow you. I will go wherever you lead me. I will fulfill the purpose you have called me to accomplish for today. That purpose might just be to have a conversation with someone. You never know what God could use that conversation for. Maybe that conversation could lead to your next breakthrough, maybe that conversation could stop the person from committing suicide, or maybe that conversation was just to put a smile on that person’s face for the day.

The point is we don’t always need to have the entire plan to be led by God to complete our purpose. Being spirit led is to be obedient in the day to day and taking the steps God has told you to take even if you don’t know the complete plan.

IT’S BEEN AN UNCOMFORTABLE YEAR

This year has been one of the most uncomfortable years of my life. But you know what? I wouldn’t change it for anything.

God really took me through a process this year and brought me into deeper relationship with him. Right from January God pulled me in and I’ve really seen John 15 at work since. A.k.a a pruning process.

I learned so much about myself and how to better myself this year. I learned how much I gossiped about people, how being lazy hindered me and how I was chasing the wrong things for validation. But I’ve also learned how to have an attitude of gratitude in every situation, how to be more patient, how to be more selfless and so much more. I am seeing the negative characteristics being worked out of me and my behavior reflect Christ more and more.

I’ve seen my relationship with God go from the occasional prayer and devotion reading, to spending time in the word and prayer on a daily basis, to praying and speaking the word constantly throughout the day.

I know I’ll look back at 2016 as a turning point in my life. The year God stripped me of everything that made me feel secure and filled me with him. The year God turned my focus from myself to him.

This year has been the most uncomfortable year of my life (my life so far) but it has also been the best year of my life!

I don’t know how many times I cried this year and how many times I got frustrated and worried about the outcome of a situation. But it was in those moments I cried out to God that I found myself depending on God more and more.

The relationship I have with God now has been worth every bit of discomfort. I know God is working in me and preparing me to fulfill the purpose he has called me for. I plan on hungering after God everyday for the rest of life. But I also know it’s a process. Even though I learned a lot this year, I know I still have a lot of learning to do. The growth I experienced this year hasn’t stopped. I still have a lot growing to do and always will. I know it won’t always be comfortable to relentlessly pursue after God, but I’m not after a life of comfort. I’m after a life that glorifies God with everything I do. I’m excited to see what God will use me to do.  And I know it’s more than I could ever do on my own.

So thank you 2016! Thank you for the trials. Thank you for the lessons. Thank you for the process. Thank you for the discomfort. Thank you God for pulling me into deeper relationship with you. Thank you for filling the void in my heart. Thank you for thinking me worthy enough. I love you God. I love you sooo sooo much.

Getting Back To A Place Of Rest

Have you ever been so scared to do something because you didn’t know how it was going to turn out? Well that was me not too long ago.

A few weeks ago I spent a couple weeks just being really sad and full of anxiety about the future. I was really stressed out because I was so scared how different situations were going to turnout. I spent entire days talking myself into and out of doing something. I was trying to figure out what the outcome was going to be for every decision I made and in trying to do so I didn’t do anything. I was in a state of unrest and confusion.

Then I had a wonderful conversation with a friend and it changed everything for me. She told me that me trying to figure out everything on my own is me not trusting God. I was trusting in my own abilities and my own strength to be able to move forward with my life. God used that conversation to show me how indecisive I was being and how that indecision was leading me to stagnancy. Instead of just taking a step forward I was trying to plan everything out. But if I say I surrender my life to God, and I trust in his unending plan for me, I shouldn’t be worried about the future.

I’ve come up with a motto whenever the thought “How’s it going to turn out?” pops up in to my head.

It’s none of my business.

It’s not my job to worry about how it will turn out. If I say I’m trusting God, I need to pray and trust that God will fulfill the desires he has put in my heart.

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. James 1:6-8

The two weeks of depression, anxiety and indecisiveness I went through were really annoying to me because before that I was resting in God. I was full of peace. I was all about Philippians 4:6-7.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Then my friend said something else to me that also got my attention.

It’s one thing to get into God’s rest, it’s another thing to stay there.

The are so many distractions in the world that can easily get our attention and pull us away from God. We need to be actively guarding our thoughts and discerning the information we consume.

So after that day I went on a mission to get back to that place of rest and stay there.

My control problem hasn’t magically disappeared. I’m still working on not worrying so much about the outcome. It’s a process and it’ll take time but I fully intend on releasing the need to have control. I’m resting in God, taking steps to move forward with my life and not focusing so much on how everything is going to turn out. Because it’s none of my business.

 

Identity Crisis

I am someone that cares what other people think about me. I don’t care as much as I used to but I definitely still care. It used to be so bad that I would always make decisions based on how I thought other people would perceive me. Don’t get me wrong I still make choices based on how I will be perceived, but in a much healthier way. Like how I present myself but not to the point the opinions of other people are making the choices for me. In the past I’d be scared to do what I really wanted to, because I didn’t want to be judged. I just wanted to fit in and not step out and do anything too bold. I was scared to take people’s sides, tell my friends the hard truth and join some groups for fear of being judged. I was even scared to do little things like write a Facebook post. My identity was fully in what people thought about me and I let the possible thoughts of other people control my actions.

But then God showed me my heart. He showed me that I was so scared of being judged by others because I was so judgemental of others.

Since God revealed my heart to me, I have been able to pray about it and learn not to judge others. I still do from time to time, but now I can catch myself and let God work in me. A major part of me still puts my identity in what people think of me though. When I walk into a room I’m still scared and worried about what people are thinking. I’m still scared what people will think of me when I decide to take certain steps, like starting a blog :).  But I’m learning everyday to put my identity fully in Christ and not in others. It’s a process but I’ve definitely come a long way in a short time. That’s the power of God. I still have a lot of growing to do but I thank God I’m not where I used to be. I thank God for the person I’ve become, and I thank God for the person I’m becoming. A person who fully identifies in Christ.

GOD I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU…

Father Lord,

I need you. I can’t do this without you. I need you in every area of my life. Come in and take over everything. I give it all to you. I die to myself and my wants. Lord I want what you want for me. Strip me of my desires and fill my heart with your desires for me. Lead me where my trust is without borders. I want you completely. This life is not my own. This world is not my home. You are who I want. I am striving for you. So no matter what is going on in my life, help me to always put you first. Help me to always seek you first. Help me to always be found about your business. I surrender to you Lord. Help me to be still and listen to you. I can’t live this life on my own. I need you. You gave me a choice. You said I could choose the world or choose you. Lord I choose you over and over again. Do with me what you want. Where you tell me to go or what you tell me to do may not always be easy, but you are my ultimate goal. You are who I am pursuing. A life and a relationship with you. More than anything I want to accomplish in this world you are far far above any of it. You are far far more important. So no matter what is going on around me, let me always put you first. Let me find my joy in you. Let me find my rest in you. Not in my success in this world, not in the people of this world or the things of this world. Just you. Help me to keep my purpose firm and put my trust in you. Even if what you want me to do isn’t what I want to do, I will do. I know it won’t always be easy but I desire your will above mine. Make your will for me my will. Lord let there be a spiritual gardening in me. Uproot from me the things of this world. Uproot from my thoughts the thoughts that don’t reflect you. Uproot from my behavior, behavior that doesn’t reflect you. Make me more like you. Let my life bare the fruits of the spirit. Lord let every area of my life reflect you.

Lord empty me of myself. Use me as you see fit. Let me turn to you first in every situation. I trust you Lord. My life is yours. I lay it down as a living sacrifice. Work in me God. I know it’s a process. I know it’s a journey. I am here to pick up my cross everyday and follow you. I surrender myself to you Lord. I am yours.

Sincerely your daughter,

Adebosoye – The crown has returned to the throne 

Learning To Let Go And Let God

You know how people always say we shouldn’t worry and trust God to take care of our worries? I’ve always felt like it was so easy to say, but so much harder to do. But you know what?

I’m finally learning to let go and let God. Things I used to worry about so often don’t even get the time of day in my thoughts anymore. I’m finally learning to take the things that are bothering me to God and leave them at the altar. My whole life I’ve been hearing that’s what I need to do, and I’ve always been like how??? Do you realize how hard it is to just forget about what’s bothering you?

But somehow I’m managing to do so.

How? By spending time with God. All this time I thought I had to will myself to give the burdens on my heart to God. But me learning to leave the burdens at the altar has been happening without me even trying. I’ve furthered my relationship with God by spending time praying and studying the word. I invite God into my daily activities and talk to God throughout the day. I’ve become much less stressed about my life. I don’t have to will myself to take the burdens on my heart to God. God kinda just sneaks them away from me while I stand in awe of Him.

More than just learning to give God my worries, my behavior and my desires are changing too.  My heart’s desires are being filled with His and it’s pretty awesome!

But it’s definitely been a process for me to get to this point. It used to be a chore for me to set aside quiet time to study my bible and pray. I had to force myself to do it. Then over time it became something I looked forward to. Then there came a peace that fell over me during my quiet time. Then I started praying and quoting scripture throughout my day. Then the peace that fell over me in my quiet time started staying with me all day long.

Stress and anxiety are being pushed out. Not because I try to force them out, but because I have become so filled with the things of the Lord, that stress and anxiety no longer have a place to call home in my heart and mind!

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:33

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7