God’s Plan or Your Plan?
I love to pray. It’s a time I get to commune with God and get to know Him more. When I pray, I always thank God for who He is and what He’s done, but I also ask for things I want. I used to go into my prayer closet asking God to do things for me in a certain way – God I want this job, God I want to get into this school, God I’d like for this and that to happen. Then maybe at the end I would say, above all, God let it be your will.
But lately, I’ve just been praying for God’s will and not even asking for what I want. In the past when I’ve asked God for things the way I want I’ve seen God come through for me again and again. So why the switch up?
Praying for God’s will alone was not something I intentionally started doing. I just realized it became the posture of my heart. So I started asking myself why wasn’t it before? I realize it’s because I didn’t trust God. Bosoye, what? You mean you, holy ghost fire breathing you (don’t let all this fool you, I’m still a very big work in progress), didn’t trust the creator of the universe, the omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient God? Yes, I didn’t. I think I was scared if I only prayed for God’s will, what I wanted would get left behind. Now this is a tricky one to write cause there’s nothing wrong with praying for what you want. But now I’m more focused on God’s will because I’ve come to a point where it’s more about fulfilling God’s calling on my life than what I have imagined for my life.
When I’ve prayed and gotten the things I want, I sometimes realize I didn’t really want it. Or when I’m working towards what I want, God does a 180 on your girl. Like Exhibit A – I was recently planning on going to business school and even took the GRE. But then God did a 180 on me and was like yeah not now hun. Focus on what I’ve called you to do which is ministry. Then I was like, okay God, what does that look like? Well 6 weeks later I got the answer. Your girl is going to seminary! And although I’ll be working while going to seminary, I have a renewed focus of my calling. I realize my call to ministry isn’t just something I do on the side. I have to take this calling into ministry seriously.
There are lives at stake. My stomach drops a little bit every time I read in the bible “there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.” Real people here on earth are going to be spending eternity in hell if they don’t repent and turn to Jesus. I used to be shy to talk about Jesus on social media, but now I’m more bold because this thing is too real to not be. People might look at me and be like, sis why do you have to be all super Christian on here, but I know if they knew what a life in Christ had to offer they’d be mad at me for not!
So now I’m just like, God let it be your will from the start. If it’s God’s will from the start, there’s no time wasted. (like spending months studying for the GRE 😭) Yes, yes we all know the scripture that says God work everything together for good. So no time is really wasted…but still lol
My desire to go to business school was an identity thing (you can read about in my last blog post here) and me trying to put my plans ahead of God’s plan for me. So I think that experience drove me to focus on praying for God’s will to be done in my life. Praying only for God’s will is a bit scary praying because I don’t know what to expect. But it’s also exciting, because, it’s God’s plan! His ways are not are ways, neither are his thoughts our thoughts.
Maybe I’m praying for God’s will because a part of me is upset that I spent months studying for the GRE and it wasn’t even needed. Maybe a part of me is scared that I prayed for a specific job and it wasn’t a great experience. But I could still go down a path where it may seem like a waste of time but I might gain a level of discipline that I didn’t have before. After all, He does work everything together for good! I don’t know if I’m praying more for God’s will cause I’m scared and upset, but honestly more than anything I just want to do what God wants, no matter what that looks like and I trust God to see me through every step of the way.
The purpose of my blog posts is to share where I am with my walk with God and this is where I am now!